Tag Archives: Military Family

Sick & Tired

How often in our lives have we heard the phrase ‘sick and tired’ either from the mouth of our mothers or from our own mouths for our children? I remember a comedy routine by Bill Cosby when he was referencing his childhood and his mother was scolding him with the beginning of the phrase ‘sick’ and he finished the ‘and tired’ and said he doesn’t remember anything after that. It is a phrase uttered by mothers when they are just at the end of the line and fed up with whatever situation is going on with the family.

I am a mother of a soldier now veteran of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. I’m not a politician, lawmaker, general or leader of a country. I do not make the decisions to send soldiers off to war but I do see first hand the destruction that war produces – not only on the body but on the spirit of the soldier as well as the family and those who love them. And yes, I’m sick and tired of wars in our world. As with so many mothers it isn’t the labor of pain that is unbearable, it is watching one’s child in pain – whether physical, mental or spiritual that is the most unbearable pain of all. I can look at my son see gaping wounds in his soul that need to heal for they are festering wounds of the horror the war left behind. I know my son doesn’t see the wounds that his family sees. He believes if he just gets his life back in order everything will be okay as before his multiple deployments.

PTSD falls heavy upon the soldiers but it also falls upon the family and friends of the soldier. My son is a veteran of two terms of deployment in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. He was sent to Iraq at the beginning of the war, remaining 12 months; came home for six months, went back for 12 more months, returned home for a year and then was sent to Afghanistan for 15 months. He is now out of the military at his choosing because his young family fell apart while he was at war on his third deployment and his children needed him home. It was a painful decision because he loved being a soldier and the military life. He is the type of soldier the military needs but the destruction that he could not stop, the protection he could not provide was happening to his young family and he made the decision to leave in order to be more for his children.

For so many years I spoke out against the abuse of our soldiers by our government for treating them as robots and androids as though their lives and their families’ lives are expendable. A few years back I had the privilege to sit down with six other military families members to speak to Ohio Senator George Voinovich. I brought the picture of my son and his family and showed him that my son is not a robot or an android but a human being putting his life on the line for our country. I wanted justification for the multiple deployments that ignore the needs of the humanity of the soldier. I also had the privilege of being included in a conference call with Ohio Senator Sharrod Brown in which I asked him when all our soldiers are finally home from these wars and later into their lives when all the horror they experienced comes vomiting out of them – who will be there to help clean it up and to help them heal.

There are two losses from such wars – the physical loss of life and the loss of a part of one’s soul/spirit. The men and women from these two wars have experienced over and over again and again one deployment after another without having a chance to heal from the last deployment. It didn’t help that a representative from Ohio commented that the lives our young men and women was a small price to pay for this war. It doesn’t help that the military and society has this hang-up about seeking mental help – viewed as a weakness more than a definitive need. And it certainly didn’t help when the country was told to look away and ‘pretend’ there is no war and to go about our lives as though everything is just fine, while a certain segment of our society – the military suffered in so many ways.

Those of us in military families who have spoken out against the war are met with ugliness and destructive comments from our fellow citizens among which we are called unpatriotic and un-American. I’ve had friends tell me to stop speaking out because it would ‘hurt my son’s career!’ Really? He’s been thrown into the fires of hell with several deployments for a war that was a lie and I’m hurting his career? Of course none of them had a loved one in the military so I ignored their ‘concern.’ I had other friends tell me that, hey, this war isn’t as bad as Vietnam – there haven’t been that many deaths! I sat and wondered – well tell that to the mother and dad, or the wife and children of the soldier who just died or to the young mother of the warring country holding her dead toddler in her arms and tell them that this isn’t as bad as Vietnam.

As a mother I want to just explode and say to others who seek war, who seek to destroy our world that “I’m Sick and Tired!” Somewhere leaders and fanatic religious within our world have decided that children – our children are needed to fight ‘their wars – their beliefs.’ As mothers of the world, who are we allowing to take our babies we now nurse and turn them into killing machines? As mothers of the world, who are we allowing to convince our children that suicide is a good thing to promote fanatic beliefs? As mothers of the world who are we allowing to use our children as robots while ignoring the humanity our child?

Have we learned nothing from our past histories that violence and killing only causes more violence and more killings? Holy prophets of all the great religions have been sent to give the message of peace and love. Why do powerful leaders and religious fanatics seem to always turn a deaf ear to such messages and why do they seem to have such a fear of these messages? Even in what they call justified wars it often leads to more wars and more killings of the innocents.

As a mother, I want to take these leaders who want war and killings and put them into a room and sit them down. They will be forced to come to a conclusion or never leave the room. Basically a permanent time-out until matters are resolved. However if they insist that fighting is the only answer then they are to strip and be naked of clothing and weapons, along with no food or water; just four walls and a concrete floor. The room could be freezing cold or horrifically hot. There will be no bodyguards, no one protecting them. It’s not about making things nice for them it is about facing their decision and not using others to make it happen. War is ugly and if they choose to fight then so be it – but no longer on their terms of using others. They will have to face each other because mothers around the world have decided that our children are not going to be used by such people for their agenda of violence.

No I’m not a politician, lawmaker, general or leader of a country. I’m also not naiveté of the powers of evil within our world or the need for military presence. I’m an American citizen and a mother of a veteran who has had enough. There is a March for Life happening every year in our nation’s capital with the focus on the life of the unborn. I believe that if people take the time to march for the child within the womb, then they must not stop “marching for life” once the child is born.

I’m a mother who is just sick and tired of the fact that we fail to learn these many years the destruction that war does to a person, to a family, and to a nation and ultimately the world. It must never be a knee-jerk reaction but the very last resort and then think again. I’m a mother who is so sick and tired of those who feed into violence as the only solution to a challenging situation. It is time for mothers to state; ‘not with my child and mean it.’

By Susan Handle Terbay

Military Families reflect on the end of the Iraq War

The nightmare continues…

From Pat Alviso and Jeff Merrick, Long Beach Ca. Parents of Marine who has been deployed 4 times

As a loving family, along with our son, who is a career Marine, we watched in horror when we invaded Afghanistan and the drumbeat for war lead into the senseless invasion and occupation of Iraq. Military families have paid dearly- over 4,000 of our loved ones are gone forever. Hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis dead. And it took all this time to finally get out of a war that should never have happened in the first place? People like us who are fighting for justice and against the misuse of our military are telling me they will believe it when they see it.

In our home, we take heart in the fact that our president has announced we will finally be out in December, even though this was a result of not being able to cut a deal with the Iraqi’s regarding troop accountability and that this was President Bush’s signed Status of Forces’ Agreement, not anything President Obama decided. Our son has been deployed twice to Iraq and twice to Afghanistan. He is scheduled to be re-deployed again in January. For us- and so many others- the nightmare continues.

The War Has Come to an End – for Whom?

From Susan Handle Terbay

Over 30 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.  I loved him from the moment I felt his movement inside my body and that love has never wavered.  I nurtured him, taught him right from wrong.  My life centered around him and his siblings.

That son went to war and returned a different son and I grieve.  The military taught him how to take a life but not how to live a life after fighting in a war.  The military taught him to disassociate his feelings – to become void of any feelings during a war but did not tell him how to allow feelings of love and joy to return.

The war I protested, the war that provided nothing to the world except destruction of humans from our soldiers to the innocents of the invaded country, has invaded the sanctity of my family and it never goes away.  No one outside the family realizes the depth of wounds within our hearts as we watch my son’s struggles to heal and be normal in a society that praises him in one moment and completely ignores and abandons him in the next.  We are his life-line and yet we are his enemy.  It is a reality of  so many military families of soldiers with PTSD.  While my son suffers from PTSD – so too, do we as his family.

When the President stated that our soldiers were coming home from Iraq by the end of the year, I hesitantly smiled, waiting for the other shoe to drop and the conditions to be laid out.  If it is true then what will our sons and daughters be coming home to in our country?  Praise, of course; heroes, of course and then when all the glitter is gone what is left but a soldier and his/her family struggling to heal the wounds that forever bleed and to find laughter again when overwhelming sadness prevails deep within a soul.  Society has a short memory and will turn on these young men and women if they fail to live up to our high standards of living.  We used them and now we are done with them attitude has to end in this country and it is time we start to respect life of all humans.

The war is coming to an end but is it really?

When will we ever learn? Now is the time.  Now let’s bring them home from Afghanistan.   Now let us learn to live in peace and not have knee-jerk reactions that lead us to war and worse the loss of our young men and women – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Now is the time to be the country who leads the world in life and living in peace and not the country who leads the world in its destruction.

War destroys so much and it never, ever ends for those it consumes!

Join us at the VFP & IVAW Convention Aug 3-7

update: VFP has set up a special registration page for MFSO members and is offering a special discount for any spouses interested in attending! Click here to register

Join us in Portland, Oregon August 3rd through 7th for the 2011 National Veterans for Peace and Iraq Veterans Against the War Convention.  The staff of MFSO will be attending along with our many members who are also members of Veterans for Peace.  If you are in the region, we encourage you to attend this weekend to connect with MFSO and our sister organizations, attend workshops, and participate in discussions about what our movement should be doing to bring these wars to an end and take care of returning service members.

We will be hosting a Military Family Meet-Up from 11:30am-1:30pm on Saturday, August 6th at PSU, Lincoln Hall, Room 121

Questions? Email samantha@mfso.org

MFSO Schedule @ the VFP Convention

Wednesday August 3rd

5-7pm Opening Reception – Poolside @ University Place Hotel

8pm Poetry Reading/Open Mic – University Place Hotel

Thursday August 4th

10:30am-12:30pm Opening Ceremony & Plenary – Lincoln Hall Auditorium

12:30-1:45pm Lunch on Your Own

1:45-3:15pm Workshop Block 1

3:45-5:15pm Workshop Block 2

5:15-7:30pm Dinner on Your Own

7:30-10pm The Moral Revolution (public event) – First Congregational Church

Friday August 5th

9-10:15am Plenary on PTSD, MST, TBI and other Veterans’ Health Issues with featured guests: Ed Tick, David Philipps, Darcela Craven, Barry Jones and Jessica Goodell

10:30am-12pm Workshop Block 3

12-1pm Pick up boxed lunch

12:15-2pm Lunch Caucus Meetings

2:15-3:45pm Workshop Block 4

4-6pm Plenary: “Resilience & Resistance” and Discussion: “Future of the Veterans Peace Movement, or, How DO we end war?”

7-10pm Buffet Dinner & Speak Out – open mic starts at 8pm

Saturday August 6th

11:30am-1:30pm Military Family Meet-Up hosted by MFSO – Lincoln Hall Room 121

1:30-2:45pm Lunch at Iranian Summer Festival on Park Blocks, PSU

3-5pm Plenary: “The Silent Truth”

6:30-10pm Banquet

Sunday August 7th

12:30pm Hiroshima Nagasaki Anniversary – No More Nukes Rally and March with VFP – Peace Memorial Park

Create Art to Reflect on 10 years at war

MFSO is partnering with 10 Years and Counting, a coalition of artists and activists who have come together to mark the 10th anniversary of the war.  We can use this unfortunate, yet historic moment as inspiration and maximize the power of creativity to illustrate the costs of war, or how 10 years of warfare have affected you personally.  Throughout the month we will be showcasing art from military families, veterans, and service members on our website, as well as on the 10 Years and Counting website.  Send us your poetry, music, photographs, videos, blogs, and visual art.  Email your submission(s) to samantha@mfso.org

War Is Trauma: a collaboration between IVAW and Just Seeds Collective

Art is a way to break through communication barriers, to express things we couldn’t otherwise.  It can be a way to heal, or a way to protest. “Art” can be anything, any way you want to express what 10 years of war has meant to you, how it has affected your family, or how it has changed the world we live in – poetry, music, photography, writing, visual art, or videos.

General submissions will be featured on our website (credited to the artist, of course), and can be emailed to samantha@mfso.org.  You can also submit art or writing for a few specific projects, listed below.

We also encourage you to organize an education or arts-based event during the month leading up to the anniversary, September 7 through October 7th. Click here to learn more.

Do You Love a Veteran? Call for Submissions

Do You Love a Veteran is a zine made up of contributions from families, friends, and partners of veterans.

For more info on the zine, how to submit, and some inspiration, click here.

He Sapa: Heart of the People – Call for Submissions

Over Memorial Day Weekend 2011, a group of military families and veterans gathered in the Black Hills of South Dakota for a healing retreat. The presenters included spiritual elders, veterans, medical doctors, social workers, and healers from different Native traditions.  The participants created art and writing which will provide the basis for this zine.  We invite veterans, military families, and Gold Star families to submit art and writing about their own experiences with healing.  Questions and submissions can be sent to samantha@mfso.org