-DAY #1: Text Message, Sunday, June 19, 2011 @ 9:50 am-
Mom: Did you make it to your new base okay? Call when you can. Love you.
Son: Everything is good
Mom: Keep me posted! Let me know when and how we can communicate.
Son: Okay I will
-1:59 pm-
Son: Hey the 3-71 Cav 3rd Brigade 10th Mountain left in Feb or March. Some guys are leaving late next month. It’s 50/50 if I go.
Mom: How do they decide? Did they go to Afghanistan? Kandahar?
Son: I don’t know how they decide. They went to Kandahar.
-DAY #2: Text Message, Monday, June 20, 2011 @ 9:19 am-
Son: I was told I would be going some time in the next 30 days
Mom: That soon? Are others going? Will you be able to give us a date?
Son: Yes there are others going. No date yet
Mom: How do you feel about going to Afghanistan? Do you feel prepared? Does it scare you?
Son: I really don’t want to talk about it right now
-DAY #3: Text message, Tuesday, June 21, 2011 @ 4:15 pm-
Son: I leave July 25th for Afghanistan
Mom: Can I come with you?
Hi, my name is Patty. I am the Mom of a 10th Mountain Division U.S. soldier. My 21-year old son graduated from his AIT (Army Intensive Training) on June 9, 2011. On June 18th, he re- ported to Fort Drum, NY. On July 25th he is scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan.
3-days was all it took for my world to crash. 3-days was all it took for the U.S. military to change my son from the “new soldier on the block” to “the next soldier to be deployed”. I still have not wrapped my mind around the fact that my son is really going to Afghanistan. Only a few days ago I listened as President Obama publicly announced his “plan” to bring home 33,000 U.S. troops by September 2012, leaving 68,000 to continue in this war that has no promise of end in sight. I had small hopes as I listened, that President Obama would hear the cries of a nation to bring their children home. I had small hopes that President Obama would see the desperation of a nation plagued by unemployment, loss of homes, lack of health care, declining educational insti- tutions, communities devastated by natural disasters, and bring the war dollars home. I had small hopes that President Obama would speak to a nation of people with words of encouragement and hope. I had small hopes that President Obama would say “Troops, job well-done. It is time for you ALL to come home.”
Small hopes, while small, are still hopes. Yet this morning, as I write this, my small hopes have become unstoppable tears. Tears for the more than 6,000 soldiers that will not be walking through doors to be embraced by their loved ones. Tears for the many soldiers wounded, whose lives will forever be impacted and changed by this “war on terror”. Tears for the thousands of civilians wounded or killed under the guise of imposing self-determination. Tears for the loved ones who sit by the phone waiting to hear the voice of their soldier. Tears for the loved ones fear- ful to answer that knock on the door. Tears for those that may still be lost.
As the President’s drawdown plan begins to permeate my life, many questions arise.
Mr. President, if you are really planning on bringing our troops home, why are there soldiers now waiting to be deployed?
I understand the theory of rotating troops. I understand the advantages of rotating the troops; rested soldiers have higher morale and are better suited to keep the enemy engaged. I also under- stand the disadvantages of rotating the troops; the strategy requires additional planning and man- agement skills. It also requires a heavier investment in personnel, training and equipment.
Mr. President, as U.S. soldiers return home, shouldn’t it be the responsibility of the Afghan gov- ernment to fill their replacement? We’ve been there for 10-years, surely we have provided enough training to allow the Afghans to begin to defend themselves and define their own road to self-determination.
Mr. President, what do you consider victory in Afghanistan? Are you “holding out” on bringing our troops home until we have reached your definition of victory? How long can you continue to ignore 73% of the nation wanting the war in Afghanistan to end? How many more soldiers must sacrifice their lives for you to bring them home? How many more dollars that are needed here at home, must be deflected to a cause that fewer and fewer believe in?
And many other questions that still remain to be answered.
In the meantime, my hopes that became tears, quickly becomes rage. Rage at feeling helpless to make a difference. Rage at feeling hopeless that the people will ever be heard by a government removed. Rage that as a Mom, I can’t make the journey to Afghanistan with my son. I’ve been there through all of the other scary situations he has faced; sometimes to alleviate the fear, some- times to help heal the wound, sometimes to show the way, and sometimes to just hold his hand. Now I am being asked to stay behind. Now I am being asked to trust. Now I am being asked to wait as my son makes a journey to a land where outcomes are unknown.
I now start almost every conversation the same. My name is Patty, and I AM the Mom of a 10th Mountain Division U.S. Soldier. I now begin and end my day with the same prayer;
“Please help me find a way to be heard. Please let me find a way to help end this war and to bring them all home. Help me find a way to get up everyday and do what I have to do and to not be frozen by my fears. Please help me find a way to support my son.”
Hopes, while small, are still hopes. Tears while they become rage, are still empowering. I will not be quiet. I will not go away. I will not let the powers-that-be forget what is at stake. I will not let anyone forget that ending this war matters to me. I will not let anyone forget mine or anyone else’s soldier. It is time to bring them all home now!
Patty Bennett Mom of 10th Mountain Division U.S. Soldier & Member of Military Families Speak Out
Thank you so much, Patty, for sharing your story. This brought tears to my eyes and renewed energy and purpose to my work day.
Clarissa,
there are no words to express how grateful I am to you, Samantha, and MFSO. I feel less isolated and more inspired to continue this journey. Thank you for bringing such wonderful people into my life.
Patty
Patty, I understand. My son is in Afghanistan now. This is his 5th deployment in harm’s way. It doesn’t get easier.
I wear a button with a picture of a casket that says “Dead: How many more?” I fill in the number every day with the current count from icasualties.org. That number went up by 6 today (from both Iraq and Afghanistan). At least 2 of those were from Marjah, where my son is. One of my co-workers said, “At least it’s not your son.” But I feel the pain. They are someone’s children, siblings, spouses, loved ones. There are 6 more families today with a loss that will never stop.
For what?
We must continue to speak out — wherever we are — to whoever will listen.
That is why I wear my button. To work — shopping — wherever I am. Occasionally someone will ask. And I will tell them. But more often, I see people looking at it silently. I know they stop to think of what that number means.
Remember — one day at a time — and — no news is good news.
Anna Berlinrut
New Jersey
Anna,
thank you for your kind words. Some days…some minutes are easier than others. And my son hasn’t even deployed yet! I can only imagine how long the last few years have been for you.
I like the button you wear. I have searched the internet for one. Can you share where you found it at? I keep looking for ways to start others talking. I am shocked that these wars seem to be so forgotten.
My thoughts and prayers will be with your son, you, and your family. May these wars end soon.
Patty
Dear Anna, What is the button you wear? I’m looking for something that is not too “in your face” because people seem to recoil if the message is too blatant.
Thanks, Shelley
COURAGE IS CONTAGIOUS
Dear Patty,
My son is 10th Mtn Div also. He deployed to Afghanistan for the first time mid-march of this year. I have the exact same fears and frustrations. I have been regularly “annoying” my Ohio representatives. I write to the newspapers and talk about Afghanistan to everyone I know and meet. Most times people politely listen, few are informed, but that is beginning to change. Most Americans want us out of Afghanistan for financial reasons – very few really understand the horrific challenges our military face. I always remind people of the “human costs” of war. I have been trying to create local awareness in Ohio. I want the Wars to be a part of our election discussion. To that end, I arranged a speaking engagement for Matt Hoh, Afghanistan Study Group, to speak at the prestigious City Club of Cleveland. Many past presidents have spoken at the City Club. His talk will be broadcast live to 40 states on Friday, August 26th. People must be informed to make good decisions, in my own, very small, way I am trying to do that. I often get discouraged but I don’t stop. I have to do something. These men and women are fighting for me and I feel the need to fight for them. Don’t know what effect this will have but I keep trying. So, wherever you live, continue fighting for your son in whatever ways work for you. This craziness must end. Mary
Mary,
I wonder if our 10th Mtn Div sons will meet? My son’s unit deployed sometime in March. I am happy that us 10th Mtn Div Moms are talking. Sometimes it feels futile…but I can’t stop. I am glad to now have others to talk to. I have found that friends and even family sometimes want to avoid conversations. I guess that “war” seems so big and that we all can seem so removed.
I love all that you are doing. If you care to share any of your “secrets” to success please let me know. Thank you for words of inspiration. I will keep you, your son, and family in my thoughts and prayers. Together we move forward!
Patty
Hi Patty,
We have never met before, I am a MFSO dad from the Minnesota Chapter. Your story and words brought back to me vividly the time and experience that we had during the same period before my youngest son went to the An bar province of Iraq, twice. Thank you for the courage and strength to take up the cause of trying to make Americans pay attention. It is not easy. There are many, many difficult moments ahead for you. But I hope that you can find peace of mind at some level knowing that there are many of us here that have been through this in our own way. It is a very personal and individual path, but it has a very intense emotional commonality to it that we all share. We have such an overwhelmingly big problem, it can and probably will take over your life. Do what you need to do to survive this. There are many around that can lend an ear and the advice of their own stories, it is a great resource if you find that you need it. Take care of yourself as this progresses and know that so many of us do share the excruciating pain that you are feeling. You and your son are in our very best thoughts.
My Best,
Rick Hanson MFSO-MN
Rick,
thank you for your words of comfort. It has taken over my life. I try to limit my conversations and interactions with friends and family so that they don’t turn and run when they see me coming. I am trying to be gracious when they say all will be well and he’ll be home soon. But I know that I am not promised that. I have stopped trying to hide my tears so others won’t feel uncomfortable or feel forced to ask if I am okay. I’m not okay…I won’t be okay…and neither will so many other families that have loved ones serving in harms way. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude for you and all the others like you that take time to console. We may never meet in person, but we have met in spirit and that means so much to me. Thank you for your best thoughts and know I am sending them back to you and yours.
Take care,
Patty
Hi Patty –
Thank you for posting this. My brother just got to Ft. Drum on Sunday – 10th Mtn Div, 3-71 CAV.. he found out on his first day that he’ll be in Afghanistan within the next 30-45 days. I know that Drum is known for quick deployments, that people don’t stay there long, but he just graduated from AIT 15 days ago at Knox.. I’ll be praying for all our sons, brothers, fathers, soldiers for 10th – best of luck to you and your family.
Kim
Kim,
It’s very difficult to understand how deployment can happen so quickly. I keep asking myself the same questions; is he ready?, has he received enough training?, will they provide him more training?, etc. I don’t know the answers to any of the questions. But I do know my son. I know his passion and intensity for life. I know his amazing physical capabilities. I know his keen instincts. These are some of the things I put my faith and trust in. And you know those things for your brother also. Keep the faith. Thank you for your prayers. You, your brother, and loved ones will be in mine.
Patty
Dear Patty,
Thank you for your post. I have been hiding. Afraid that my actions may somehow affect my son. Afraid there may be repercussions for speaking out. What kind of a mother sits quietly by waiting to hear those awful words. “I am being deployed”
I hope to meet you on October 6th in DC if you go.
Shelley
Hi Shelley,
What kind of mom sits quietly by?…a mom that cares about the well-being of her child in an environment of uncertainty. I was really scared to say too much…will I upset my son? will people think I’m not “patriotic”? will he be in trouble for me speaking up? do I know enough about the situations to speak out?…Then one day my son said he needed to talk to me. He wanted me to know that as his beneficiary, if something should happen to him, I would get X-amount of money. I GOT MAD! I got mad because there isn’t enough money to make his “loss” acceptable. I got mad because a system was putting a price on his life without knowing his true worth. I got mad because this is not the conversation that a child is suppose to have with their parent. When I start to retreat and fade-away, I remember that day. I sometimes don’t know what to do with what I want to say…but the opportunities exist. We can all make a difference in our own way.
Hang in there. I have to believe that we all get through this together. You and your son will be in my prayers.
Patty
Papy thanks for The story…..I;m going through the same think’